Nearly every day, I get asked for more details about my Carmel writing retreats. People read my website devoted to the retreats and watch the videos and still want more.
I was thinking about my favorite part (beyond the pine-fresh air, enchanting beauty, and stunning weather), and it’s simple. I love the “magic of sisterhood and synchronicity” I talk about on the site. I don’t know if I can put it into words, but here’s a fraction of what that feels and looks like—that magical, synchronistic stuff…
You roll up to our gorgeous 3-story retreat house in the Carmel hills overlooking the Pacific (not a block from the famed Highlands Inn). It’s Monday afternoon, and you’re excited and scared—jazzed about the computer and notes tucked away in your bag and ideas rolling around your brain finally about to be heard, but not entirely sure what to expect for your precious time and money. You’ve said goodbye to kids, dogs, your man and a million things you could or “should” be doing, and flown or driven to a luxurious destination to honor your… art? Huh?
You’re so NOT a diva and this feels strange. You feel a tad guilty—taking so much time for yourself. But that feeling lasts all of about 10 minutes. As you settle into your gorgeous room, surrounded by the sounds of laughter of your new friends, and smells of the fireplace, you relax and trust that life back home will go on just fine without you, thank you very much. You relish the deserved break and know intuitively that your book deserves a break, too—the kind that comes with hanging out with brilliant women, at least one of which is heavily connected to the publishing world when you’re ready.
In two or three hours, you’re baring your soul to your new “sisters in creativity” over dinner at a delicious eatery in town. Through hearing their individual stories—about why they came and what they’re working on—you hear traces of your own story. You have an Ah-ha or two that first night, and before the meal’s even through, you feel bonded, connected to this small but mighty group. Inspired to read to each other the next morning after a good night’s rest, some will even have dreams for each other. That’s part of what I call “the magic of sisterhood and synchronicity.”
Last month, during our March retreat (see video), Carmel native Elizabeth Murray took us on the most exquisite nature walk in Point Lobos, where a flight of sand stairs took us to a heavenly beach, and a hidden cove within the rocks. Two of the women disappeared—Eleanor from England, and Jody from Ojai. Eleanor (who graciously offered to share this story) had just told the group that she was aching to kick a sugar habit that had been leaving her exhausted. As is common for highly creative people—maybe yourself included—sugar is a way to both pump up when we’re tired, but also brings a sense of calm to the racing, sometimes even manic energy of creativity. But outside of initial euphoria, sugar can knock us out and leave us depressed (Sugar Blues anyone?)!
This had been a painful process for Eleanor—one she didn’t realize was enormously common—and in her writer’s isolation in England, she’d been feeling cruddy about it. Until she and Jody had a profound heart-to-heart that day in the cove, with a few cleansing tears. When we returned to the house, Eleanor’s creativity flowed unencumbered. She felt refreshed, rejuvenated, and supported in a way that she hadn’t in a very long time. She read to us the most hilarious piece and had us all gut laughing. So much so that I taped the reading and can’t wait to send the MP3 of the chapter to agent friends within the next few weeks.
That’s the magic of sisterhood and synchronicity.
Deborah Heneghan, from Pennsylvania, came to our first retreat in 2009, with plans of writing some kind of a self-help book, but without a blueprint. Trouble was, without a platform, the rest of us couldn’t see it. It didn’t feel right to us. What did feel right, however, was anytime she talked about her sister Kathy, who had died when they were teenagers. Deb had maintained the most beautiful connection to Kathy, and her stories were uplifting for those of us who had lost loved ones. I woke up after that first dinner with a title in my head—Closer Than You Think—and a book outline forming. When we gathered together after breakfast to start our brainstorming, I told her of the simple book I saw—a “guide to connecting with the other side,” complete with heartwarming stories (+ tips & techniques) from her own life, and those of people she’d helped.
There wasn’t a dry eye in the house. We all saw it. We all felt it. Most of all, Deb saw and felt it. She was timid, too, as the topic brought up longstanding grief. But we loved her through it and cheered her on, as each day she read more profound writings than the day before, remembering things long forgotten about her beloved sis. [We wrote the proposal, got her an agent and publisher—who also lost a sister early in life—and delivered the book to them last Friday!] Wow. Who woulda thunk?
That’s the magic of sisterhood and synchronicity.
Another woman, Dana da Ponte, from Alberta, Canada, came thinking she was going to write a proposal for one book, and realized by the third day that she was a lot more like Louise Hay than not and would be happier forming an entire publishing house instead! She is now an “official” publisher, and her house, Adigibooks (www.Adigibooks.com), is coming out with multiple books! Thinking BIG for Dana was made easier through the encouragement of everyone’s squeals of enthusiasm. It was easy for us to get behind Dana’s vision because it was so obvious to us that she was meant to pull it off. Magic.
Just like it was obvious to us that Ana Holub’s book on Forgiveness was world-class, which my first agent, Jeff Herman, recently validated by signing her.
Just like it was obvious to us that Julie Colvin’s memoir on dealing with the mystical side of navigating a child’s illness and wellness was meant to get out there, which celebrities and her publisher have now validated with a book contract THIS week.
I could go on and on with examples, and no doubt will, in another installment.
What makes sisterhood so magical? What makes the women go back home and create a Facebook page to stay in touch and continue supporting each other? My beautiful friends Katherine Woodward Thomas and Claire Zammit talk about a study done at Harvard University that proved that people wanting to manifest goals in a group were 6X more effective than the individual. I don’t want to paraphrase, and don’t know much about stats (having dropped out of statistics in college), but that’s how it feels to me. And, the reality of it keeps expanding.
For instance, when working on a book that needs just the right story, I think of my retreat gals and what they have to offer. When Deb and I needed a story for Closer than you Think about the use of ritual to help people deal with loss, I reached out to Ritual expert Elizabeth Murray, and Forgiveness Expert Ana Holub, who gave stunning text for the book. The author, Deborah, was cheering when she read these stories because they were exactly what she needed for the chapter. It was a win-win-win all around.
That’s the magic of sisterhood and synchronicity.
I’ll close by sharing a bit of how these retreats literally “saved” my son and me: Four years ago, when my husband of 19 years, chose to leave for another woman and move to another state—stopping all financial contributions quickly thereafter—both our homes went into foreclosure. I had a strong career, but was in no position to take the unexpected and immediate loss of his income and the additional expenses incurred in his absence.
I had a very clear option: fold and/or scale way back in my grief (which no one would have blamed me for, seeing as how I just got royally dumped like a box of hot rocks). Or, I could take a huge risk and hire an assistant and expand my business.
I had kept myself somewhat safe in my career up until then, joking that I preferred to “hide” in my house writing, dogs at my feet, cats on my desk. But when you’re a grieving, newly-single mother faced with the idea of losing not only your beloved primary home, but also the eco-green home you helped build in the mountains on sacred lands on which you raised your child, buried your mother’s ashes, and clung to as part of your eco-brand (for a green book that was coming out any minute) you get motivated. (Besides, it seemed even scarier to try and sell an upside-down home in the city, in a bad economy, and rent an apartment with a literal PACK of animals and a 17-year-old son while on TWO book deadlines. It had to be easier to just bloody expand already, right? Talk about the lesser of two evils! I was so screwed. Or was I?)
I had always felt badly about turning away 95% of people who came to me for editing or book proposal or ghostwriting help anyway. (I mean, one gal can only type so fast!) I’d heard of this new craze called “teleseminars” and thought that if they could help me reach more people in a shorter amount of time, maybe, just maybe, I could also stay in my L.A. home. I hated the idea of facing my fear of being more public—hanging a shingle, so to speak—but I hated the idea of giving up even more.
Terrified, I asked a client if he would blast his list for me about my first teleseminar. God bless him—James Ray blasted to hundreds of thousands of people that I was the “secret weapon” to his 7-figure book deal. We were packed. Then, five participants from the course wanted to work in person, more intimately. Once again, I leapt past my fear and booked a lodge for a retreat in the mountains—something I’d NEVER in a million years have considered doing had I not been initially desperate (and already fallen in love with these ladies over the phone). What if it didn’t work? What if the ladies didn’t get along? What if it wasn’t fun or juicy or nurturing as I’d planned?
I’ll never forget that first night, after all of us gathered for dinner and told our stories. There wasn’t a dry eye at that table either (you gotta love women!). As the night progressed and, one by one, the women thanked me for creating such a safe, healing space, I somehow knew that I, too, was being saved. Everything was going to be okay.
All because of the magic of sisterhood and synchronicity.
With Love,
Linda
xx
We have a few spots open in Carmel next week, and others, too…
To see our videos of our retreats, click here…
