I recently had a painful come-to-Jesus talk with an acquaintance about her book. A book I quickly skimmed, but could immediately see offers real value to women who’ve lived with abuse. A book she told me took years to write, born of even more years of abuse at the hands of her druggie husband. She appears to have earned her story the hard way, and understandably aches to share it with the world.
I have no doubt she should.
I have no doubt her heroic tale is sorely needed.
While she couldn’t hire me to do a thorough analysis, I listened, read, and offered what pearls I could in my own packed schedule. But I could tell, even from our brief first chat, that there was a high probability she was already repelling people in publishing—without even knowing it. She told me of cold calling top publishers. And Oprah. Magazines, financiers, and Hollywood producers, too. All with the goal of enrolling them in her BIG plans. I’m all for enrolling people in your vision. But her approach wasn’t grounded. Because she was able to get a few assistants on the phone that politely said to send her proposal over when ready, she was now telling everyone that Oprah was waiting. Simon & Schuster, too. A-list stars, and the like. Waiting, waiting, waiting.
This is an extreme case, but I’ve seen this ubber-optimism before, and thus thought it a worthy cautionary tale. On some level, we can all relate. We all know what it’s like to get near the finish line and feel… dare I say it … d e s p e r a t e!
I joke that agents and editors feel desperation at a thousand paces. Like thick skin, they develop a radar for it. For good reason. Step in their shoes; they know your heart and mind are entwined with your words. They know their stamp of approval or dismissal has the very real probability of making or breaking your day, month, or year. Imagine that energetic swirling around them all day, from every corner of the globe and you can start to envision their stress. Now, add any kind of over-the-top neediness, urgency, or manic grandiosity to the mix and you’ve got a recipe for serious rejection. (And, not the “good” rejection I talked about last week.)
Here’s the wake-up call I shared with her. I hope it helps if you’re stuck in a similar mindset.
“Know this. Publishing, as a rule, is notoriously slow. Everyone’s SWAMPED with work, with little time to read and even less time to digest long emails and urgent phone calls. Hype is the last thing they want from you.
“I know you’re excited and I never want you to lose your excitement because it’s one of the reasons you’ve gotten so far. It’s what gets you up in the morning. Just know that you need to approach everyone in publishing with a sense of calm and respect for their process. It’s best to steer clear of overstating things or promising connections that aren’t real. They’ve heard a zillion promises in the past about all sorts of VIP hook ups, often from celebs they’ve paid big money to, and they’ve been burned with plans and connections that resulted in bubkis.
“Saying blanket statements like, ‘Simon & Schuster is waiting’ is the first sign that you’re a rookie. The reality is that you got someone on the phone who said to send it, and in the sixty days since, they’ve said that to hundreds more. In 99% of the cases, no one’s waiting. It sucks, I know. But, truly getting this will free you: No one’s waiting!
“If, however, your work is fantastic, they’ll be really, really happy you showed up!”
She laughed. I laughed. We each breathed a sigh of relief. Truth hurts. It also frees. Phew.
Keep the faith. Work on your craft. Stay grounded. Get help if you need it. And, believe that whenever you DO show up, it will be divine timing.
Have a great week!
Lindagrateful Sivertsen
xo
